Teething Problems

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Teething Problems…
Why do corporates use this phrase to describe the beginning of a phase where their business model needs ‘fine tuning’? Surely they are not comparing it to a child? That would be presumptuous and untrue..

Let me clarify: Difficult, moody, delirious, sleepy, sad, grumpy, energetic, full of saliva, swollen gums, fussy, stinky nappies and pain, most of all pain are all associated with Teething…

None of the above applies to any corporate, or any business out there…

They don’t wake up 6 times an hour at night to gently rock the project back to sleep.

They don’t feel spasm forming between their shoulder blades from carrying the project in their arms all night.

They don’t urinate blood caring for the project.

They don’t lose weight, or friends, or family because phone calls aren’t important while spending time with the project.

They don’t feed the project 17 different varieties of protein and starch and vitamins and minerals by trying all that can be possible digested in the fridge.

They don’t contemplate Refugee Status in another country just for the sake of taking a 1 hour nap, for the project.

They don’t hide small object for fear of choking.

They don’t walk with the same clothes for 3 days because they forgot (or were too tired to…) do the laundry.

They don’t re-use a teaspoon 29 times because they are just too tired to thoroughly wash and rinse it.

They don’t create fake energy and happiness and excitement to entertain the project by singing ‘Old McDonald had a Farm’ for the 16 000th time, over and over and over and over and over again.

They don’t have a backup “Favorite Fluffy Toy” because if the original went missing it’s the end of the world for the project.

They don’t cry over the phone because of the project, to a Telemarketer selling vacuum cleaners phoning non-stop every 15 minutes from a Private Number until you answer out of pure exhaustion and find it comforting that someone actually wants to talk to you.

They don’t know what they’re talking about, these corporate idiots..

They don’t love the project.

So, don’t call it Teething Problems, pleeeeeaaaaassssseeee… Rather call it: “We-initially-thought-the-project-was-a-great-idea-but-now-that-we’re-actually-doing-it-we-found-some-sh*t-that-might-lose-us-some-money”.

Just for the sake of sanity of all parents out there.

And to the parents out there, good luck!

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